"Your ability to pivot when something is or is not working will make or break you." --Alaina Kaczmarski
It's been a while...
Back in January, I was having coffee with my sister and a close friend who we've met since moving to Chicago. It was only by chance that we met, as the window of opportunity was short, which leads me to believe this now cherished friendship was meant to be.
As conversations often drift at the start of a new year, we began reminiscing, and that eventually led to brainstorming words that summed up our 2016. While I was sitting there in the midst of the conversation, I secretly wondered if you could really sum up 365 days, a calendar year of experiences, an entire trip around the sun, in just a single word, so naturally I was hesitant. But nonetheless, words such as intentionality, awareness, and fulfillment were tossed around, and the simplicity of this idea struck me.
As millennials, we spend so much time attempting to develop into the multifaceted people we believe we're meant to be, the people the world around us so desperately needs. But that same world is often misleading if you don't know what you want, pulling you in directions you didn't know existed and making you believe you need to be more than what you are. And in those instances, it can be easy to feel lost.
So winter carried on, and while I was distracted by work, it was a tough season personally, and I was reminded of that every time I left my responsibilities at the hospital. I dealt with bouts of extreme loneliness, I lacked interest in almost everything, including this blog, and I knew I wasn't happy but I could not pinpoint why. In fact, it will never cease to amaze me how a person can be surrounded by almost three million people and still feel so alone. Of course, there were a few highlights throughout the past five months, and I had the chance to see a lot of close friends and family who never failed to lift my spirits. But overall, I felt absent.
However, as life will have it, things have started to turn around. I can't say exactly what began to pull me out of the slump I was in, maybe the more frequent sunshine, maybe a little more goal setting, maybe just looking at everyday happenings from a new perspective, but I know I am beginning to feel better. And sometimes I think it best not to question it. So that is where I stand now, and I have no regrets about it.
If there was one thing I took away from so many darker days, it was how much I appreciate the light now that I am able to recognize it again. And certainly, it was always there, but it seemed farther off in the distance than usual.
Despite where you are in your journey, it will always be okay to give yourself the opportunity to learn the difference between what you want and what you don't, especially since chances are high that those things are evolving every day. And no matter what you decide, either is okay, but both take time to figure out. Give yourself that time if you need it, and never mistake it for time wasted.
"The soul will always do what it needs to do." --Tracey Emin